Friday, March 18, 2011


Intelligent or does she so desperately want to be?.. She's reading all the classics now because she knows to be well read is to be well bred.  Except it doesn't always work out when the commonality of your being always takes over. You constantly are looking in from the outside wanting to be something besides the being that is before you shouting at you like a gunshot to the head. Though, is it fair to constantly live life with a guard outside your mind? Can you be yourself even though the world has reminded you time after time that you aren't acceptable?

Sitting here watching is like looking into a mirror almost and I'm depressed. Can I really be like this?  So much of me has moved in a direction far removed from the tie that binds us but the ties are there just the same and no matter how much I want to, I can't escape it. Strange thoughts indeed when you love the one you insult even if the insults stays only in your thoughts but I'm not good at hiding my disapproval. My face has been my enemy all through the years.

All day has been a debate it seems in which my words have been lost or stepped on or both. Conclusions shes found floating on the ceiling, staring in a spacey vexation to a problem which seems to take her away for the few moments of however long the subject may last while she awaits the answers given to her the reflections of herself..

Loneliness is a horrible crippler. 

I'm not sure if I'm not giving the desired answer when she is laughingly gesturing me with her hand movements as if to say I may not have a clue or the possibility that it doesn't quite match what she had in mind....