Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Today

Woke up in a seriously pissy mood this morning.  All I knew is I want to go home.  Rocking on 5 months and that's usually my limitation.  I know what will start up once I've reached it too... more pissy moods and nothing will be good enough or able to compare to home.  Gosh, I'm such a bitch about it too.  It's terrible.  I get very tired of being alone.  Everyday the guilt sets in that I'm selfish and I should be home with my family doing grandmother things, instead of here doing nothing, basically.  Andy has to work ALL the time because that's what he does.  And because I don't work here, I'm left with too much time to over think plenty.  My new found feelings about a few friends has become so intense I don't trust it.  I don't trust my thinking right now because I'm not busy.  By that I mean..... I'm too idle in my life. If I was busier I wouldn't have time to think beyond the surface.  Doesn't matter... don't think I'll be changing my mind much on that subject anyway.  Just a random post of what the day has been like..   My ass hurts from sitting on it.  Going to walk across the room now...   Four walls and boredom, damn.  I may get really resourceful and walk upstairs in a minute.  And where the hell is the sun?? 

9 comments:

bencorde said...

This says a lot when put in the context of your story on Crow Gatherings. Thanks for the link by the way. I only had one post on edrocblogs which I've copied and pasted to my documents. I'd forgotten all about it. I left a few comments there too for you (Crow Gatherings I mean). Call them crow shit if you like.Choose a profile again I see. Oh well just to humour them I'll play their little games.Selecting profile now! whatever that means.

Karla said...

Glad you found it and saved your writing, I still have my old blogger page, so you were saved on there all this time.

Yes, I suppose it does tie in doesn't it.. guilt, a powerful thing.

bellarmy1875 said...

Im always wishing i was someplace else, you actualy do something about it, so dont be too hard on yourself.
But im sure you will love the first few months of being 'home' lol
(cept for the heat... thats where the sun is!! lol) xxxx

Rogue said...

Did you ever make it across the room? :) I've been meaning to ask: did you take your test yet?

Y'know, I've been so envious of you since I found out you were moving over there. How long are you going to be home? But I do understand the boredom. When I first moved down here, I didn't have a job for 9 months. I'm really surprised that I'm not in jail for going on a killing spree. Are you able to get a job or volunteer anywhere to help kill some of the boredom?

Let me know when you'll be home. We're coming up October 3rd or 4th.

Karla said...

Thanks Paul...You know the gemini thing, two sides to everything. blah

I will be going home, I'm expecting possibly next month.. I don't know. I don't like to make those decisions in moods like I'm in. And I do dread the heat and I do hate it.. but I've lived many years in it... so I'll have to suck it up and do it again.

Karla said...

Krishna..... across the room? To be honest, not much. I've been pitifully pathetic today.

Most likely home to stay this time.. I gotta do it this time, just hoping that the job front will cooperate with my plan.

Lisa Ford said...

I have been there Karly,I can relate.Having to much time to think can make you feel that way.And moving to a new place is hard enough but living far from home in another country must be difficult to adjust to.When I was at that point I took some art classes and such to pass the time.Maybe there are programs there you can get into or some recreational activities to fill up your day with the until you go back home.I think it's hella cool that you took a chance and moved some where out of your comfort zone.

bencorde said...

It doesn't matter where you are so long as you're happy. I had to accept this to find some rationale for the loss of my youngest son to Thailand where he found two loves, a woman and a country.
"Come back to the UK!" he says. "Not on your Nelly. The food in Chiang Mai is too good, so are the people and £50 per week makes me a rich man. Besides the place is swarming with Europeans and Americans and we're gonna open a restaurant/internet cafe/ whatever with the money you're kindly going to send us."
Bloody hell I've been stitched up again. Still better to invest in family than give it the bank.

Karla said...

Lisa.. good suggestions and my neighbor lady told me about something that the city here offer... But the name of it escapes me right at this moment.. Basically, there are different interests with groups of people taking part in. Sounds like a really cool thing, wish I knew about it earlier.. I'm not going to get involved with anything now, knowing I'm going home soon. It's so funny about myself...I've always done things crafty and resourceful and I don't know why those things just seem futile here. 'Here' as in this house.. probably because it "feels" so temporary.

Ben, I cannot imagine how hard that must be for you having your son so far away. Have you made the trip there? Or do you plan too?